how strange life is, one moment there, the next moment it just moves off. as the sheryl crow song title puts it, everyday is a winding road. always fraud with curves and bends, and yet more often than not we travel forward without the presence of a comforting blindspot mirror. in the midst of the winding road, we need divine intervention to set our paths straight. 

ok enough random nonsense that few people will read anyway. all i wanted to say here was that tonight brought back memories of a time not too long ago, where i was in the same position as a friend, except that location and religion were different. the cause of death is similar, the period of symptoms similar, and the way of ending similar. i could not feel anything except an intense twinge of sadness for him. perhaps it is just for a selfish reason, to make it seem like i am no longer alone in this emptiness few will experience.

my heart goes out to him for these few days, and perhaps in weeks to come, that he may find solace. for as i have reflected on my own experience, the day of the cremation and the day after it will be another time of intense sadness. when the coffiin is sealed the body in flesh will never be seen again, when the cremation is over all that is left is a white brittle reminder of someone we love, and the memories we keep of them. photographs serve only to remind us of the memory, but yet are unable to hold memories themselves. as such, i have long forgotten the voice i once took for granted. no vocal memory remains, as i try at times, in vain, to piece together a vocal recollection.

as the following week approaches, i do sincerely hope that peace may be with him when he needs it most. though words may fail me face to face, i hope the feelings managed to make it across the barrier of the individual.

the prom is over, with the hours flying by, but when did it actually start? time has slowed, as each hour, each day, requires deliberate action and planning.

once again, the holidays that were once anticipated and now in the process of being experienced never seem to meet expectations. sure, not studying, but what is the time for then? to eat, sleep, read, play with, or to go out? all but the rest are solitary activities, done within the comforts and confines of the home. having spent the past 3 days outside, at orchard, orchard and vivo, i have come to a conclusion that the next day and perhaps the next few should be spent at home, to recuperate.

these days, spent contemplating the future, and what possible areas of research i could involve myself with in the future, finding a niche amongst the cliche. filling up the gaps in info, the many gaps in info...

somehow, the countdown never really got started. from 3 weeks to zero days, it is finally over.

shall the countdown begin?