What moves you? saw a report on the extent of the poverty in the philippines, where some have resorted to taking leftovers from rubbish dumps, recooking them and then consuming them. does one have to take what others have cast away? makes me treasure the chance of being able to have a full stomach even more. such is the need for survival.

ever wondered how it would feel like to .. .... ...? cant really say that i have been in the same position, but yet there are lots of times when i feel lonely in the crowd. 隐居 can take place anywhere, though i would prefer that in a place far far away, where peace is so abundant it does not need to be treasured. The first of the major exams seem so surreal, so far away yet only 3 weeks away. the countdown has started, but the nerves have not yet been woken. thank goodness for labour day today. a time to calm the mind and get on with life. a time to get out of the moment i was stuck in from time to time. a time to open more doors and close some. a time to wonder and ponder more before curiosity dies out in me.

自私，妒忌，残忍，虚伪。Four things that can describe the worst of the human spirit, something that some of us tend to manifest at times. the ice cream today was between ok to good i suppose, but it was an observation that lowered someone, which started the buildup of annoyance once more. two people led to alot of thoughts on the train home, among which was the topic of ignorance. what makes us uniquely human? cruelty.

guess that i should blog after a delay of days. either nothing much has been happening, or that i am not allowed to speak my mind cos of certain restrictions, oh well. how long it seems the passing of days. the countdown begins towards the chinese exams, but yet it all seems so surreal. the D day seems so far away out in space, far away beyond what we expect, but yet it is but 20+ days away. so surreal to the point that it seems like it is but a figment of imagination of 15 students and 2 teachers. while the others may countdown towards the start of the papers, i count down towards the end of the papers, cos i focus on the happy times. yea right, i try a healthy dose of optimism from time to time, though it doesnt seem to cure anything.

April, the cruelest month, is finally drawing to a close, with free cones day this tuesday and labour day on thursday, it will certainly be a welcome break from the past few weeks. seems so long ago since term started, seems just as long ago that math portfolio was completed. to think that more than half the term is over so fast, and yet there still seems to be such a long way to go. why cant i just skip this arduous process and get on with ns and uni. guess there isnt any logical explanation to it all, besides the fact that whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger. IB wont kill me, so therefore it will make me stronger?

a moment to reflect amidst a busy week. a moment to ponder whether we are nothing more than sand grains along the beach. the movie "something the lord made" shown during bio class was indeed a humbling movie, something about how a black guy rose to greatness within the medical field, through sheer determination, faltering at times but always rebounding back. that must have inspired those in my class who want to become doctors. but somehow i just feel that most of them are not suited to be in that field. sure, the glam, the money of being a doctor, but what else does a doctor need in order to be one? a heart of compassion. that is one criteria i would absolutely insist on if i were the one validating applications. but how is the heart measured in the space of a few interviews? that is something that cannot be judged just from interviews alone. oh well. facades everywhere, but yet the core is rotten.

why do i say that most of my classmates are not suited to become doctors? for one simple reason: even if it were the smallest and most pathetic of creatures, they treat it not with a kind heart. instead, for mealworms they boil it till it keels over in pain, for snails they put salt on it. "fun" they call it, but i find it all rather disturbing. if one girl could say out triumphantly "kill it, kill it" in response to another girl's question of what to do with the snail, i would be extremely worried if i were her patient if she was a doctor. for those squirmish of invertebrates, the operating theater wont be spic and span either. with loathe i look at their lofty aspirations.

today went out with 1 of the other 4. somehow the row in the cinema just seemed so empty, the restaurant was packed with people yet devoid of a human presence.

the road has never seemed longer. long and winding, it goes on and on and on and on and on.....etc. but yet, in the end it all flashes by so quickly, but it is the daily slowness of the moments that really get to me, the slowness of time as it passes ever so quickly. the monotone of daily life, the steady onward march, the journey which began in sec 1, but still not yet completed, though the end looms near in comparison.

expectations from all sides, as are expectations from within, strive to outdo one another. funny how i sometimes lapse into bouts of sadness for no clear reason at all. would you call that a mood swing when i doubt i have ever really felt happiness in a really long time? what really eats into me: why does life seem to consist of only school. school no longer revolves around us, we are but the lumps of rock that orbit the planet.

even escapism wouldn't work when the fact hits home: humans are indeed the most dangerous of all the organisms that inhabit the earth.

been more than 2 weeks since i last blogged. must have been due to school i guess, or just the laziness to express feelings faster thought out in the mind than typed out on a keyboard. the effects of my chem teacher leaving the school have started wearing off now, as i move into the phase of being used to another chem teacher's style of teaching.

over the course of these 2 weeks, i have come to realise the true personality of a single person, through observation and interaction. chem pracs and one bio prac are enough to prove this. i shan't mention the name, but go figure anyway. what makes the person unlikeable in my eyes? pettiness that stretches further than the memory can reach, to the point that i get irritated. it is not so much of the pettiness being directed at me, in fact it ain't at all, but how this person treats another person simply disgusts me. if the pettiness over things stretches over one or two weeks it is still ok i guess, but not if it has been going on for more than 6 months? the constant hints that are rather audiable issuing from the person really does hurt the other person. words can be like daggers, stabbing far deeper than a physical wound. what makes a friend a friend? this is a negative example.

but what makes a friend, a friend? is it the daily interactions with a person over a period of time that form friendships? not so nowadays i guess. can end up being friends people i hardly talk to in a day, or else do not talk to altogether for days on end. heck, i am even friends with someone i have known for 3 years over but never had the chance to meet in the flesh yet. what makes a friend? are we friends only due to circumstance? or did we start becoming friends due to circumstance, but still remain friends because we share a common view towards what a friend is? perhaps it was all planned out in the beginning, as to what friends i will have in life, at what times and places i will first encounter them etc, just as how it seems more than coincidental according to Seah that i am fated to miss people.

my view of what a friend is? actually my demands are quite high. if i ever befriend a good weather friend, i wish that i will come to my senses faster. all good weather people can clear out of my life. what do i expect of a friend? not undying love and support, but a certain degree of loyalty to his/her friends, sadly lacking in the person mentioned earlier on regarding practicals. another demand, that of conscience and morals. in this sad present society, i really do hope such people still exist, though they are a dying breed. sadness: the lack of anyone ever singing the national anthem, and even the modification of the anthem on april fool's day yesterday just for laughs; the ignorance displayed by singaporeans on the streets is appalling. from thinking that a simple packet of tissue can be the universal sign of the extension of one's body to occupy a seat or table, to standing at the start of the escalator and then ponder whether to go up the escalator or not, either oblivious to the people waiting to go up or just needing to cause others inconvenience for whatever reasons. the best case recently was at the mrt station yesterday in the evening. one of the two ticket machines was spoiled, so everyone had to wait to use the other one. this bright chap was busy trying to insert money into the machine in the form of notes
for about..... 10minutes. his 50 dollar bills got repeatedly rejected by the machine, what ever side he flipped it to but still he refused to see that fact, continuing to feed the machine with the same note vomited out repeatedly. finally he switched to inserting 10 dollar bills into the machine, one note by one note. one 10 dollar note per transaction, repeated a few times. i am positive he could feel the many pairs of eyes staring at the back of his head. how did i get to use the machine? only because the other spoilt machine was already fixed by the technician and so i could go use it. what makes a country? not the country in geographical sense, but the people. rotten people, u get a rotten country