by this post is complete, it will be roughly about half an hour to christmas eve. somehow this year the christmas cheer seems lacking. though i personally to do not celebrate christmas, i seem to be more nonchalent this year than in past years. like a skoog, i await the ghosts of christmas past, present and future.

when is it time to start living each day like it is my last? 

over the past few days there seemed to be signs around me, 3 within the past 3 days?, asking me to accept and stop resisting. but yet i will still wait, to procrastinate, as always. matters unresolved as of yet, hopefully they will be within a few years. there is always a tomorrow, is there not?

perhaps it is just christmas, a season of giving and celebration. as this day approaches, the new year looms over the horizon. perhaps, this will be a new start.

after school is finished, destroyed, where do we head for? at a crossroad, waiting for the next transport out of this phase. one way tickets, non refundable. so where is the next destination?

when i heard 2 american kids chanting 'we are the sages, we are the monsters' repeatedly in their backyard behind your house, i couldnt help but agree. prophecies of what the future holds...

The days sail by, without the sails, and it seems so many months ago that the exams ended, though it has only been 2 weeks. been out quite a number of times, perhaps more than a term's worth of going out within the space of 2 weeks. of course that also means that cash is spent, increasing the level of consumption in the economy by just abit. (just doing my part as a concerned citizen)

a few ideas here and there, but yet the resolve is lacking to see them through to completion. maybe that is why i like plants, because they grow without my encouragement? and on the (sad) note of chicken rice stalls and queueing, one has put up the 'sold out' sign, and i have moved onto the streets, looking for the next stall worth it to queue at. nah, the chicken rice stall analogy just doesnt seem to capture the idea in its entirety. perhaps a better one would be the fried rice stall. a simple dish, easy yet difficult to prepare. and the ingredients can be so variable. from prawns to lobsters, depending on how expensive one wants to go. but a simple fried rice dish, with the basic ingredients, can taste so heavenly, often more so than fried rice cooked with pricey ingredients. where is this simple fried rice? still looking..

somehow it suddenly seems hopeless, because i see a future without

perspective, it is all about perspective this day. when having the chinese a2 lunch today, when the food could not be finished, the number one reason for finishing the food surfaced. 'think of all the hungry children in africa'. as bad to me as that line sounds, yes, that is a reason why i sometimes stuff myself with food though i have the option to stop. to not eat will be to waste food, food to be thrown away, when millions of others are still starving.

but yet, i sit here and do nothing..

how strange life is, one moment there, the next moment it just moves off. as the sheryl crow song title puts it, everyday is a winding road. always fraud with curves and bends, and yet more often than not we travel forward without the presence of a comforting blindspot mirror. in the midst of the winding road, we need divine intervention to set our paths straight. 

ok enough random nonsense that few people will read anyway. all i wanted to say here was that tonight brought back memories of a time not too long ago, where i was in the same position as a friend, except that location and religion were different. the cause of death is similar, the period of symptoms similar, and the way of ending similar. i could not feel anything except an intense twinge of sadness for him. perhaps it is just for a selfish reason, to make it seem like i am no longer alone in this emptiness few will experience.

my heart goes out to him for these few days, and perhaps in weeks to come, that he may find solace. for as i have reflected on my own experience, the day of the cremation and the day after it will be another time of intense sadness. when the coffiin is sealed the body in flesh will never be seen again, when the cremation is over all that is left is a white brittle reminder of someone we love, and the memories we keep of them. photographs serve only to remind us of the memory, but yet are unable to hold memories themselves. as such, i have long forgotten the voice i once took for granted. no vocal memory remains, as i try at times, in vain, to piece together a vocal recollection.

as the following week approaches, i do sincerely hope that peace may be with him when he needs it most. though words may fail me face to face, i hope the feelings managed to make it across the barrier of the individual.

the prom is over, with the hours flying by, but when did it actually start? time has slowed, as each hour, each day, requires deliberate action and planning.

once again, the holidays that were once anticipated and now in the process of being experienced never seem to meet expectations. sure, not studying, but what is the time for then? to eat, sleep, read, play with, or to go out? all but the rest are solitary activities, done within the comforts and confines of the home. having spent the past 3 days outside, at orchard, orchard and vivo, i have come to a conclusion that the next day and perhaps the next few should be spent at home, to recuperate.

these days, spent contemplating the future, and what possible areas of research i could involve myself with in the future, finding a niche amongst the cliche. filling up the gaps in info, the many gaps in info...

somehow, the countdown never really got started. from 3 weeks to zero days, it is finally over.

shall the countdown begin?

To see the sunrise,

what goes between,

sunset,
what more could we ask for?

loads more.
tangible, intangible
wealth, health.
but all i seek is a clear conscience, integrity and the grit to make it through.

the pathway to the light is strewn with various torture devices.
bear traps ensnare,
but beware of what we cant see.
in this forest without trees,
of falsehood, deception and facades
beware of common smiles,
because they belong to
masks.

HOPE. merely 4 letters, yet so powerful a word. it leaves and returns ever so often. this time it has left, but for how long?

reading about development economics can be rather depressing at times, seeing as how unfair this world is. i suppose survival comes first after all.

Perhaps not the final goodbye to ACS yet, but certainly goodbye to normal school, and the times it entailed.

i have had 6 years to think through what it meant to be a person from ACS. a shifting of sentiments and perception. before i joined the school, i followed what the general perception was: arrogant rich kids. but within the first day itself i was having doubts.

was it fate that made me write ACS down in my options for secondary schools, second choice, first being RI. perhaps not, just following in my brother's footsteps. was it fate that i missed the cutoff points needed to enter RI. (shan't put the blame on fate that i screwed up my science paper). and was it fate that i put ACS before Victoria, when i almost wanted to write Victoria first, knowing how many of my classmates would end up there, and with the school near to my house, why not?

what defines the ACS way of living? being one of a minority who takes public transport to school. Where recess is the lesson of the day most anticipated. Where teachers are all called by their first names, regardless of the rank. Where it is an innate ability to misbehave, yet knowing when to draw the line, and perhaps putting a toe across on some occasions. Where holidays are demanded with a fervor on those special occasions which call for them. and of course, how could i have left out the charity?

in a school where the students wear shorts that aren't short, i would say that yes, just like how this school stands out in having long shorts, the people in this institution did, do, and will continue standing out in a crowd. (for all the right reasons)

Living, Leafing (v) here

the grass just got a shade greener on the other side. winter in this summer and i know not why. and most importantly, where will my summer be?

this tree has prospered amidst an uncertain backdrop, yet i feel no attraction to the flora. will i be like a mistletoe, a parasite of other trees, or an epiphyte, latching on to reach greater heights? will i be like an angsana seed, gone with the wind, to distant shores to take root, or like a mangrove seed, germinating and growing within the safety of the branches, only to plunge within close range of the parent?

or the third option for an uncertain mind: to be a boomerang.

Children's day

today was spent at home studying. dont know what to say, just that i am feeling really drained now, physically, mentally, emotionally.

Aristolochia

guess this brief break is coming to an end within the next few hours. sure, this break was certainly welcomed, and i cherished all those boring moments of doing nothing. tomorrow shall be the start of the final hurdle towards the end.

thinking of the future is still scary. the further ahead, the scarier it gets. today was in Times reading through a horoscope for horses. turns out this year is supposed to be a good year for romance and financial matters. irony aint it, no romance, and certainly not exactly very good financial manipulation on my part. good finance juxtaposed with the possibility of a global downturn. does put matters into perspective, doesnt it?

why did i even bother looking at a horoscope? simply because there is always that hope, no matter how small, that i could know of the future beforehand. and secondly, because i had finished looking through the book store.

lastly, why the title of this post? because just like the flowers of these plants, life stinks but yet fascinates, has an architectural form, and most of all, traps us with deception because we are too captivated by it. and yes, we are the flies.

it is the little things in life that we choose to cherish and remember, not the large events. cycling today at east coast was no exception.

even in the midst of the exams, i have begun to ponder: do we have different friends for different reasons? different groups, each with their own associations that are not to be intermixed together at once. some that remain in the dark, just so i can forget when i talk to them.

i shall reach for the shuttlecock this time. whether i can reach it or not is a different ball/shuttle game altogether.

quote i happened to hear on the radio today: doesnt matter if you do not come from a close knit family. it just means that you have the rest of your life to make one of your own.

anger, disappointment, peace, calm, brief respite of mild happiness. this is my sort of roller coaster. hate it when others try to force their opinions.

Teacher's day

strange how we always remember death, commemorating it much more than the opposite, birth. 30th Aug was the last day of the 7th month, and yet, just two days later, is a birthday. though nothing remains to be celebrated, this teacher's day i will keep to heart.

this week certainly stands out from many others. a week of firsts and lasts. most probably the last time official PE is held in school, first and last time i played a sport on a non PE day, first and last time i play badminton in my school uniform, last teacher's day in school, last time i am going to someone else's primary school, last day of the term. and surprise of surprises, my birthday was unexpectedly celebrated in class after teacher's day celebration in class. a combined celebration with matthew's own birthday, but i appreciate it all the same. yet another first and last time: my birthday being celebrated in class.

been thinking about the education journey of almost 12 years. which part of it was the one which shaped my character? between primary and secondary, i would have to say primary. the time of your life where form teachers could afford to care for each member of the class by learning about each student almost to the extent of intimacy. such is how i want to remember my primary school as. not of the physical constraints of a school building, but rather the teachers who made learning possible. school refers not to a location of a building used for educational purposes, but simply a community of people.

progress, as we move forward. looking back, i realised that over the past 2 years, i have changed my perception towards things in general. taking plants as an example, i used to be so narrow minded, caring about learning everything only about one genera of plants, willing to ignore the rest of them. bit by bit, i started accepting that other plants werent that bad after all, and now have once more embraced plants i once termed normal and thus boring, with a more neutral stance.

i just hate having two faces, one to present to each side. keeping secrets, silences, is just not something i enjoy doing. human nature just cannot bear to let go of every niche in society, with jealousy even present within the circle of science. i think i should start fearing the outside world.

we see what we want to see. alot of times, i see nothing but the dark void, but at times i do catch a glimpse of the light at the end of this tunnel.

Hope

hope somehow presents itself in many forms. most of the time, one sees others hoping, not for a grand purpose, but for a selfish agenda. not hope for a better society, but rather, hope to win TOTO, 4-D or any other game that requires a gamble; hope to benefit one's self, at the expense of others. me, i hope for hope.

ever get that feeling when you look at a random stranger on the streets, that u wished you knew abit more about them, about their lives. most likely you will not encounter them again, but wouldnt it be nice to know them, albeit fleetingly?

realised that i am very bad at word challenge. maybe my english sucks after all. rather, i think too slowly? piecing letters together aint one of my strong points. i prefer to think and consider over a period of time.

i have a direction, and i see the big picture, but somehow the details still remain fuzzy. let the details figure themselves out along the way, i guess.

what is the difference between evaporated milk and condensed milk?

the sweetness.

does one bottle up sadness? i am trying not to, maybe thats why i am typing here, comforting it is not to be speaking to anyone directly. not really sadness sadness, but rather a tinge of it. as some pple may realise, now is the 7th lunar month, meaning that it is tradition to burn offerings etc. somehow, my house did not last year. when i inquired, the response i got was "for what?". this is as simple as it gets, but yet the emotions behind this simple answer is far too complex, something that i do not have the mental stamina to endure for an extended period of time. the oil lamp which used to burn bright everyday has gone out, only to be lit twice a month. has this withdrawal method, an offset of amnesia to heal grief, solved the problems of the heart? i certainly hope[pray] so.

have u put up the flag yet?
better not to have put up the flag, with silent protest as a reason, than because we are bochap.
it pains the heart, that we see not what national identity truly is.
i did feel a tinge of sadness at east coast yesterday when i looked at the HDB flats at marine parade, naked without the flags that don it once a year in this month. was it an elusive dream then, when i drew a HDB flat, with every unit displaying a flag, all those years ago in primary school?

today went for school cross country at west coast park, which is a small enough park to feel cozy in, and big enough induce the want for exploration. did not make it to the point of running, lazy and unfit that i was. after that went to east coast, where cycling sessions were held for anselm and seb by ben, in the noble cause of teaching them a life skill. i am sorry i dragged them an extra 2km just for food, lol. oh yea, just recalled the perverted guy who on the pretext of supporting his female friend's bike by stabalizing it, placed his hand on the back of the bike seat, where her butt was. from the front view it looked as if he was supporting her butt as she tried riding a bike.....

Farces

out in a blue monday,
gathered in a hall yellow
with chairs burgundy,
sat amongst the crowd of nameless faces
looking at a flamboyantly dressed person,
bright as a neon sign she was.

after the wordless babble of monotonous ritual weekly,
interjected between two announcements,
speech commenced.
script boring,
tone of voice that made all the difference.
SO! the sarcasm dripped,
flooding the floor with her last stand,
Support she got from the masses.
swept beneath a 122 ear by 16 ear by 18 ear carpet in the hareem
she was.
thick the carpet was indeed.

"go with our blessings", the royal plural said,
to another environment,
that she may prosper.
will she, won't she?
was it better after all?
attention seemingly diverted,
towards the central core of it all,
of why?
not of opportunity this was,
but the closure of a door,
a door embossed with the three colours.

O Giovanni, beckon no more
chaos she needs not.
ASSISItance she requires.
from one chaos to another,
'tis cruel.
amnesia will soon set in,
pursuit of happiness,
Hope, she finds.
[ ]fully..

had the oddest of experiences today. reaching into the soil to grab at a lump of semi solids that felt like cold custard. what it was turned out to be rotten tuber turned to mush. yet another experience, albeit a weird one, in the otherwise mundane life of mine.

Given enough time, one can get used to anything, be it happiness, suffering, sorrow etc.

where is home? does it lie where we reside, where we spend time sleeping every night? that is mere housing, but home is a psychological state of mind, something that i have been trying to experience and have found from time to time. the quietness brews and spills over, covering everything in its path. the quiet rush has begun. there is no reason for this random splurging on thoughts.

just what keeps us in singapore? loyalty or just the inability to get out? and where has the trust gone? reading about the ren ci ceo incident,i cant help but wonder what has charity in singapore become. if the allegations are true, this monk would not only have disgraced the charity organization he came from, but also disgraced himself as a monk. if...., the allegations are true.

every year i recall the many charity performances on television. do we really need to see actors and actresses perform strenuous and dangerous stunts in order for us to shell out some money in the name of charity? one definition of charity would be "Benevolence or generosity toward others or toward humanity". sure, the people donate in the end, but have they really done charity? have they really given from the bottom of their hearts in the hopes of reaching out to the less fortunate, or do they donate simply because it is part of a yearly routine?

with so many charity shows each year, i cant help but feel a sense of sympathy towards the actors and actresses in this country. having to take part in so many events in a single year, coupled with a small pool of actors, will indeed put a strain on them.

all in all, if one does indeed want to donate with a true sense of charity, do so even when there are no charity shows or flag days.

in the loneliness of the night, and after being sick of analyzing king lear extracts, hoping to juice out every possible link and connection, i sit in my chair in front of the com thinking what is going to be. so many things to think about: future job, a family if possible, holiday destinations, and place of retirement (not singapore)

job: preferably in botany or the like. if one cant live without plants, why not making a living with plants? or if that isnt possible, a job in science that requires thinking and creativity. most importantly: the job must consist of non repetitive activities.

family: this is uncertain for sure. what is for sure is that if there are children, they had better be the quiet, perceptive type that thinks before speaking.

holiday destinations: anywhere that isnt singapore. dont mind travelling to any place in the world, but with a special liking for asia and africa. aim: to visit almost every country in southeast asia at least 2 times, and visit madagascar for extended periods of time.

retirement: a country that allows for a nice, quiet ambience. if there is a place with the serenity of village life and accessibility of a small town (with internet of course), i will move to there. preferably somewhere in asia, where i can still feel asian.

future aim: to at least perceive something no one else has bothered to perceive in the realm of science.


a tall order though, 'tis all is..

one of the songs from hellboy 2: cant smile without you. overall the movie was ok.... not too good, and not too bad, with a somewhat cliche plot ending.

took the bus home from vivo city for once, and the journey just went on and on and on, even though it was about 40 min.

guess this is one of the last outings i will be having for a long time, if you consider that ioc is in a matter of weeks and prelims are after that.

switched my brain off while outside tonight, just refusing to think at all, perhaps that will increase its resale value in the long term?

today was an odd day (besides it being tuesday, an even day). the first part of the day was ok, but it was towards the end that a sudden sadness started building up, for reasons unknown. it kept building up till on the way home i just felt consumed by total sadness, while still being able to remain on the sidelines and remark mentally about why would i be sad about anything. the source of this sadness is still currently unknown, and perhaps it will remain unknown for years, until a point in time when there is sudden inspiration regarding the matter.

the feeling of sadness this time round, can be comparable at best to the feeling of sadness one feels when knowing the world is about to end the next day, but yet knowing full well that no useful contribution has been made for the betterment of society. in short, a wasted life.

perhaps it was just because i had the sudden urge to want to be alone.i just wanted to be alone and yet have company at the same time, however contradictory it may seem. perhaps i may look upon this post next time i laugh it off, but for now there are no smiles.

caught up in the thought process of world lit. as per normal, i need the pressure of a deadline to drive me to work, or else my mind just wanders off the track. frankly, why Lorca and Ibsen chose to use specific props to portray their lead character is not within my area of interest.

nothing much seems to have changed in the days leading up to, and after the exams. school still exists, scumbags still roam free and innocence continues to be lost.

for one thing, i kept taking different personality tests, and in almost all i got an INTJ score. does that automatically make me a grammer correcting, arrogant bastard who is supposedly the most self-confident of the 16 available personality types? that certainly remains to be seen. i do admit that i am confident in knowing what i am good at, which is plants but rather useless in academia at this point in time on the education ladder. and i do know where i am weak at, namely mathematics as well as a short attention span. i can live with the labeling of sarcasm but i do hope i do not have that much of a morbid humor as suggested. that would be simply terrible, would'nt it be?

What drives me? not just the desire, but the need to do well in what i have a genuine interest in.

today was having a chat at a coffeeshop at serangoon north with a few other people, when the discussion topic changed towards the direction of how the botanic garden is going down. indeed an inner sadness filled me, as that place simply does not deserve the name of Botanic garden anymore. if the living collection is mostly dead or soon to be, and botanical research has ceased to exist, what remains is just a run down garden.

that lack of taxonomists in the region does spur me on towards such an occupation, the need to feel a niche that is lacking in manpower.

one other aim, to be good at botanical illustration which till now remains as an illusive dream.

Was it worth it after all,
to leave your home, to see the world?
Or was it worth it after all,
to betray the trust, to do what's right?
time makes fools of us yet again,
time lost and found, decisions made and regretted,
all but a transition.
We,
stand together as a group,
facing the onslaught as one,
but yet,
it is as
one,
that i wish to stand alone,
facing the cold, dry, wind.

weird, odd, random ramblings at this time of night. the timing of the exams do indeed make all the difference. even when this exam is over, there is no carefree mode to switch to.

Time is always limited and confined to 24hrs, but all the more i feel that at least today was well spent.

Two things that piss me off: the lack of understanding, the lack of communication.

the calm between the storms. the closing of one chapter, and the start of yet another.
nothing much to blog about these days, especially if these few weeks have been rather bland. after all, just wanting to stick to my resolve

Just bend the pieces till they fit.

Sentimental friends

On the floor the people dance around
Moving close together, but there all alone in the corner
There's the girl I once knew, who broke me in two

So won't you please play a song, a sentimental song
For my sentimental friend over there
We've been so long apart, make it go right to the heart
Of my sentimental friend over there
Bring the tears to her eyes, help to make her realise
The love we had was just beyond compare
Then if the time is right, maybe I'll hold her tight
My sentimental friend over there-ere

I recall the way she used to feel, when we heard a sad song
The teardrops would flow and she'd hold me
And tell me she'd be, forever with me

So won't you please play a song, a sentimental song
For my sentimental friend over there
We've been so long apart, make it go right to the heart
Of my sentimental friend over there
Bring the tears to her eyes, help to make her realise
The love we had was just beyond compare
Then if the time is right, maybe I'll hold her tight
My sentimental friend over there

Oh won't you please play a song, a sentimental song
For my sentimental friend over there
We've been so long apart, make it go right to the heart
Of my sentimental friend over there
Bring the tears to her eyes, help to make her realise
The love we had was just beyond compare
Then if the time is right, maybe I'll hold her tight
My sentimental friend over there-ere

Oh won't you please play a song, a sentimental song
For my sentimental friend over there (fade)

was reading through some econs drqs in the 06' past papers, and one line caught my attention out of the whole lot of words: "If the plan is competently implemented, HIV positive parents should survive long enough to put their children through school."

the 'should' makes all the difference in a bleak outlook.

How did we all stay together these years? i believe in miracles, this is one of them.

when there is lack of communicacion.

as the holidays float by hazily just before drawing to an abrupt close as we crash back to the reality called school (bit unfortunate, aint it?), the lack of going out the house almost daily has led to the running out of topics to blog about. as such, partly because i realised that my blog contains far too few pictures as compared to most other blogs i have randomly come across through pressing the button at the top of the page, i have decided to add in more pics to my blog. predictably, the pictures centre around plants, since i have been taking mostly plant pictures ever since i changed camera. and as my camera is presently in thailand now, i cannot take any pictures.


nope, it is not deformed, modified by photoshop in anyway. and yes, it is a plant. pseudolithos they call it, meaning that it pretends to be a rock.



No idea what this is



Is this a flower to you?



One of those giant grasshoppers that just ignore you no matter how hard u prod them.



I know it looks totally wrong. imagine so many primary kids seeing that during the life science symposium. other than the point that it has turned from carnivorous to cannibalistic, the other point about anatomy needs no further mention.



An inflorescence you don't get to see often, especially if it is almost not in cultivation and not named yet. contrary to other members of the same genus, this one has a sweet smell.

as the last week of the june 'holidays' continues even as i continue typing here, my mind remains a blur. i know full well why i am staring at notes and books hours each day, but i do not have a clue as to what the final destination is. maybe i do, maybe i dont, but we are just supposed to focus on the process i guess? watched pushing daisies on channel 5 (knowing that whoever reads this must be thinking i have way too much time). i admit i had no idea why was the series named pushing daisies, but know i do. pushing up the daisies from where one lies 6 feet under, nice way of phrasing it.

maybe a death-centric show appeals to my senses at this point in time,but i am just receptive to this show, for now. life in death rather than death in life.

time hangs still, even as it gallops past.

Had to make a trip down to the PC show yesterday to get a new printer to replace the old one. interesting experience walking rows and rows and encountering numerous people who kept offering you pamphlets for various products. after buying the printer, found out the box was 2ft by 2ft by 2ft. essentially a very large cube, balanced on a little trolley provided, which meant that the centre of gravity was way off, making pulling it around a challenge. people were staring at the big box i was carrying, but then again, i did not really care. perhaps they did have a reason to stare, with all the threats of boxes containing dangerous content etc.

even as study progresses forward in this.... holiday, i cant help but wonder which uni i would like to get into. Course descriptions are always too brief, and of course merely descriptions, unable to convey the lesson structure and content. Borrowing from the line of "everything and everyone has their place and purpose", i am still trying to find a niche. my only hope is that i never get bored in my job, which is immensely difficult if the job entails the same thing day in day out. i guess one can get used to anything, given enough time, even killing as with soldiers used to war.

My brother, barely back from poland for less than a week, has declared that he is going to pattaya the following week. Just rubbing it in, just rubbing it in.... the caged existence. from my point of view, who needs space when there is a whole world to explore out there. so many places to visit,so many civilisations to marvel at, and so much land to travel upon. Travel as a means to extend our view scope of the world, as a process, but not as a destination.

a random thought: life is like a game of chuzzle(refer to popcap.com). destroying cute furballs in the name of fun, collecting their eyes in a conical flask in the name of sadism, advancing through the game by breaking through locks that entrap. sometimes there are too many locks to pick through, resulting in losing the game through the lack of possible moves. and most of all, there is a hint button. why am i even typing this out for others to read through tediously? simply 'cos i was randomly playing abit of it .

is it just me or has life gotten a tad more boring than usual? perhaps it is just me getting down to revision, but life just drags on these days, as the CTs loom nearer and ever nearer. boredom has even driven me to blog on a more frequent basis.

living a life of contradictions. an example being my yearn for being alone at times, but yet i wish for company as well. To study, i want total silence and to be alone, but when i come online after a day's work there is no one to talk to...

does fate determine our actions, or do our actions determine our fate?

for now, all other thoughts and desires, yearns, are put on hold, as 'World War III Looms Near' (applicable only to those who have read paddy clarke hahaha)

BIG ENOUGH THIS TIME? lol.

today went out with the gang, for the last time in what would be a long while, probably a month or more. went to watch narnia, which was long enough to get draggy in middle and towards the abrupt end. from now on, mugging mode will be turned on fully, hopefully as i attempt to absorb as much information from various textbooks in as little time as possible. Bio, Econs, Chem, Math, English shall be my most likely order of study, even though that aint prioritizing at all. for those from IB who ever read this blog, which means almost everyone who reads this blog, please do remember not to neglect king lear, for if you do not constantly revise through king lear, facts learnt would soon be forgotten till it is too late.

tomorrow marks the 3rd week since it happened. how fast that period of time has gone by, as if it belonged to a different life altogether. maybe i did not blog much about it back then, because emotion would have clouded everything else out.

life and death are but the two sides of the same coin, contrasting but yet complementing one another. for without life, death would be a meaningless void, and without death, we would not appreciate life. maybe i have just been cheating everyone these past weeks, including myself, pretending that it was all ok. perhaps i was a little quieter than i usually was, trying to convince myself to move on, getting caught up with daily life, that which never ceases, laughing along with others though i hardly saw humour.

but at night, when life slows down, my mind can't help but drift towards the memories, and stare at the void which cannot be filled. i have accepted it, but yet i still cling on, wishing that things did not turn out as such. the pain is not acute, and not even numb like a toothache, it is simply just a hollowness. i tried to lead a normal life, by separating school life and life at home, tried to pretend it was all alright.

i teared once throughout the whole thing, perhaps because i was tearing on the inside for years anyway. Sorrow you can hold, however desolating, if nobody speaks to you. If they speak, you break down. ~Bede Jarrett. how true this seems.

'Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.' though the memories are few and far between, they are of inexplicable value.

If tears could build a stairway,
And memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to Heaven
And bring you home again.

nope, i don't mean the last line at all, for going is better than staying in this physical realm.

why is it that flowers which attract moths and butterflies mostly smell sweet? why are these insects attracted by a sweet smell? flies are attracted to stench because the smell promises a breeding ground and food, but how about butterflies? flies associate stench with breeding ground because a rotting piece of meat produces a stench, and to the fly the meat is food and a place to breed. but to a butterfly, why did it associate sweet smell with sweet nectar from flowers? perhaps in the end it is all just olfactory.

why the random post above? simply cos i thought of that question earlier on.

another intriguing observation: why is it alocasia and amorphophallus leaves curl downwards in the direction the catipillar is leaning and eating? firstly, i doubt it is the weight of the catipillar because the curl downwards is too much to have been cause by weight alone. and secondly, the curling downwards seems to occur in less than a day, suggesting that the process of bending over is relatively quick, and also because the catipillar still had not finished its meal, suggesting that the leaf curled fast, because catipillars eat rather fast. is the curling induced by mechanical or chemical means, or a combination of both? is there a logical reason for the stem curling? and is this observation limited to the type of catipillar and the type of plant, in this case 2 genera from the araceae family? this observations do happen from time to time, but why is it that it doesnt happen 100%? out of the many catipillar attacks, only a minor few cause the above phenomenon. what makes these few catipillars so special? who knows....

Feeling lonely once more, and alone this time. contacts on the net whom i hardly speak to or speak to but wait in vain for a reply. the chinese exams are finally over with, though the euphoria associated with it was short lived. welcome back to the real world. welcome back to IB.

these past few days have passed so slowly, but yet so fast..

once again i would like to extend my thanks to those who have offered solace during this period of time. nothing much can be said, except that is over, and that life is indeed never a straight path. as i watched the wooden vessel enter the fire today, i could not help but feel a sense of loneliness and loss, and that it was indeed a final goodbye. i would never be able to look into her face again, but it is alright, because that is how i would like to remember her: to remember her as she was in the past.

nothing much happened today, except for the exceptionally strong wind early in the morning, which surprisingly did not break any leaves. read through some chinese notes today. but the mugging shall officially start from tomorrow onwards. Chui Shao Xiong shall learn more about chinese then he will ever want to in his entire life, mostly about the different social issues and how to appreciate essays. -.- he shall attempt to write an essay a day, if that is possible enough, and will end up carrying a ring file containing all his chinese notes around until the start of the exams.

ok back to the first person narrative, i envision life to get even harder than it is currently, and laugh when the yr5s complain about their life already. i do wish life would skip this stage and just move on 1 year ahead. and i do wish people would be more frank in life, anywhere anyplace, be it in school or the work place. for example: openly admitting "i AM back stabbing you" and so on....

tomorrow will be one of a few days of the year where i will feel sadder than usual, other than teachers day and chinese new year. all the memories always come back, of a spring long gone.

Hilarious that i somehow managed to merge two chinese essay questions together to form one. did not realise until the teacher gave back the paper, saying that i used good examples, and i automatically asked "but?". seems like a natural reflex action of asking what is wrong the moment a teacher starts speaking in a certain manner.

less than 2 weeks to go, admist all the chaos of school.

How much of a friend have i been these past years? that is a question i ask myself, but yet am unable to answer. all these years, just co existing with other people, under the loose heading of friends. always looked back at the past though i wish i didn't. always regretting some of the choices i made. always wondering how different life would be in a different setting, a different time. what if i chose to go to Victoria as a strongly wanted to in p6, since alot of my classmates were headed for there? definitely different friends, during experiences, and most likely, a different me.

have i been truthful to my friends? to a certain extent yes, but yet not absolutely. remaining silent about things does come under that i suppose. so when you do read this, please ask yourself, firstly whether i have been a real friend to you, and secondly, whether you have been a real friend to others.

my powers of ShortTermMemory(STM) are catching up. from schoolwork where i find it hard to remember facts of which i have no interest, to even my passion where sometimes my mind just goes blank when trying to recall something i know well. STM even stretches out to my memories of the past, which remain hazy and sometimes blank. bit and pieces here and there, but nothing more. what i try to recall and picture seem so unreal, as if they have never occurred before. so do the sad moments, gone within a day or two, forgotten within a few days.

was watching da chang jin today while eating dinner, and a particular scene was etched into my mind, at least for that period of time. it was about one character whose last wish before dying was to eat "summer grains", a type of rice once more before she died. those grains were given to her to eat when she was still young by her brother, who died shortly after. perhaps in the past, i would have brushed the scene aside, saying that rice was just rice. but now, perhaps from the general weariness of life or just another year added on, i begin to see the significance of plain, simple, rice and its true meaning, of how those grains could bring out true happiness before walking with death. appreciated the moment when she got to taste those grains once more.

inner conflict like Hedda Gabler, always wishing my life was more memorable through out of the way experiences, but yet still conforming to society. what if i took art in the past and art now? a whole of difference perhaps.

What is it that makes us human when there is so little that separates humans and beasts? was watching a video clip for chinese class today, where the topic of violence and abuse was covered. the saddest part was not even that of wives getting beaten by their husbands, but of how the aged are mistreated by their own children. heart wrenching lines such as "why don't you just die to save us the trouble" pierce the heart. and some of the aged do take it to heart, committing suicide when they deem themselves a burden upon others. is that how we want our society to be? everyone grows old someday, but yet so many shun it like a disease, describing the old as disgusting etc. what goes around comes around in this case.

when life gets put back into perspective, i finally realise the full extent of the sad state we are in, at least for me. imagine having to compete with your own schoolmates for a place in the uni you wish to get into. this is not even on a global playing field with other IB schools. if everyone gets 40+ points, and you get something like 38, you are not competing with the rest of the world to get into a uni, but rather, you are competing with the influx of 200+ students from your school in applying to top universities who have gotten 40+ points. steps up the pressure considerably doesn't it?

random moral of the above passage? : go to a random ulu university, chances of getting in may be better.

frankly, what matters most is not which university you are in, but rather to what extent is your passion? using my favorite obscure area of botany, just a check on google shows that famous botanist don't come from just a few unis, but originate from unis all over the world.

what constitutes bravery? that question came about as i was watching the life buoy advert. it featured one part about a boy carrying a kitten out of the storm when it was still raining, labeling the action as bravery.

have standards of bravery dropped so low? the definition by the freeonlinedictionary is: a quality of spirit that enables you to face danger or pain without showing fear. how many of us can attest to it? i would define bravery as harboring fears all the same, but still doing what needs to be done.

the next 2+ weeks shall be spent in solitary confinement. if i should ever express my desire to step foot anywhere near a shopping mall within the next 18days, please do remind me to stay home and study for the upcoming exams, which will take place in a sad room in the library. lol.....

there is only one way to die, when our system fails to function any longer. but yet there are so many ways to live, so many doors to choose from. just whether we choose wisely or not. after all, there is no respawn in this game.

to view the world with eyes of optimism, only to see it crumble away. what then would eyes of pessimism bring? come what may. though i tend to get depressed at times, i shall not be brought down by it, nor get stuck in a moment.

What moves you? saw a report on the extent of the poverty in the philippines, where some have resorted to taking leftovers from rubbish dumps, recooking them and then consuming them. does one have to take what others have cast away? makes me treasure the chance of being able to have a full stomach even more. such is the need for survival.

ever wondered how it would feel like to .. .... ...? cant really say that i have been in the same position, but yet there are lots of times when i feel lonely in the crowd. 隐居 can take place anywhere, though i would prefer that in a place far far away, where peace is so abundant it does not need to be treasured. The first of the major exams seem so surreal, so far away yet only 3 weeks away. the countdown has started, but the nerves have not yet been woken. thank goodness for labour day today. a time to calm the mind and get on with life. a time to get out of the moment i was stuck in from time to time. a time to open more doors and close some. a time to wonder and ponder more before curiosity dies out in me.

自私，妒忌，残忍，虚伪。Four things that can describe the worst of the human spirit, something that some of us tend to manifest at times. the ice cream today was between ok to good i suppose, but it was an observation that lowered someone, which started the buildup of annoyance once more. two people led to alot of thoughts on the train home, among which was the topic of ignorance. what makes us uniquely human? cruelty.

guess that i should blog after a delay of days. either nothing much has been happening, or that i am not allowed to speak my mind cos of certain restrictions, oh well. how long it seems the passing of days. the countdown begins towards the chinese exams, but yet it all seems so surreal. the D day seems so far away out in space, far away beyond what we expect, but yet it is but 20+ days away. so surreal to the point that it seems like it is but a figment of imagination of 15 students and 2 teachers. while the others may countdown towards the start of the papers, i count down towards the end of the papers, cos i focus on the happy times. yea right, i try a healthy dose of optimism from time to time, though it doesnt seem to cure anything.

April, the cruelest month, is finally drawing to a close, with free cones day this tuesday and labour day on thursday, it will certainly be a welcome break from the past few weeks. seems so long ago since term started, seems just as long ago that math portfolio was completed. to think that more than half the term is over so fast, and yet there still seems to be such a long way to go. why cant i just skip this arduous process and get on with ns and uni. guess there isnt any logical explanation to it all, besides the fact that whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger. IB wont kill me, so therefore it will make me stronger?

a moment to reflect amidst a busy week. a moment to ponder whether we are nothing more than sand grains along the beach. the movie "something the lord made" shown during bio class was indeed a humbling movie, something about how a black guy rose to greatness within the medical field, through sheer determination, faltering at times but always rebounding back. that must have inspired those in my class who want to become doctors. but somehow i just feel that most of them are not suited to be in that field. sure, the glam, the money of being a doctor, but what else does a doctor need in order to be one? a heart of compassion. that is one criteria i would absolutely insist on if i were the one validating applications. but how is the heart measured in the space of a few interviews? that is something that cannot be judged just from interviews alone. oh well. facades everywhere, but yet the core is rotten.

why do i say that most of my classmates are not suited to become doctors? for one simple reason: even if it were the smallest and most pathetic of creatures, they treat it not with a kind heart. instead, for mealworms they boil it till it keels over in pain, for snails they put salt on it. "fun" they call it, but i find it all rather disturbing. if one girl could say out triumphantly "kill it, kill it" in response to another girl's question of what to do with the snail, i would be extremely worried if i were her patient if she was a doctor. for those squirmish of invertebrates, the operating theater wont be spic and span either. with loathe i look at their lofty aspirations.

today went out with 1 of the other 4. somehow the row in the cinema just seemed so empty, the restaurant was packed with people yet devoid of a human presence.

the road has never seemed longer. long and winding, it goes on and on and on and on and on.....etc. but yet, in the end it all flashes by so quickly, but it is the daily slowness of the moments that really get to me, the slowness of time as it passes ever so quickly. the monotone of daily life, the steady onward march, the journey which began in sec 1, but still not yet completed, though the end looms near in comparison.

expectations from all sides, as are expectations from within, strive to outdo one another. funny how i sometimes lapse into bouts of sadness for no clear reason at all. would you call that a mood swing when i doubt i have ever really felt happiness in a really long time? what really eats into me: why does life seem to consist of only school. school no longer revolves around us, we are but the lumps of rock that orbit the planet.

even escapism wouldn't work when the fact hits home: humans are indeed the most dangerous of all the organisms that inhabit the earth.

been more than 2 weeks since i last blogged. must have been due to school i guess, or just the laziness to express feelings faster thought out in the mind than typed out on a keyboard. the effects of my chem teacher leaving the school have started wearing off now, as i move into the phase of being used to another chem teacher's style of teaching.

over the course of these 2 weeks, i have come to realise the true personality of a single person, through observation and interaction. chem pracs and one bio prac are enough to prove this. i shan't mention the name, but go figure anyway. what makes the person unlikeable in my eyes? pettiness that stretches further than the memory can reach, to the point that i get irritated. it is not so much of the pettiness being directed at me, in fact it ain't at all, but how this person treats another person simply disgusts me. if the pettiness over things stretches over one or two weeks it is still ok i guess, but not if it has been going on for more than 6 months? the constant hints that are rather audiable issuing from the person really does hurt the other person. words can be like daggers, stabbing far deeper than a physical wound. what makes a friend a friend? this is a negative example.

but what makes a friend, a friend? is it the daily interactions with a person over a period of time that form friendships? not so nowadays i guess. can end up being friends people i hardly talk to in a day, or else do not talk to altogether for days on end. heck, i am even friends with someone i have known for 3 years over but never had the chance to meet in the flesh yet. what makes a friend? are we friends only due to circumstance? or did we start becoming friends due to circumstance, but still remain friends because we share a common view towards what a friend is? perhaps it was all planned out in the beginning, as to what friends i will have in life, at what times and places i will first encounter them etc, just as how it seems more than coincidental according to Seah that i am fated to miss people.

my view of what a friend is? actually my demands are quite high. if i ever befriend a good weather friend, i wish that i will come to my senses faster. all good weather people can clear out of my life. what do i expect of a friend? not undying love and support, but a certain degree of loyalty to his/her friends, sadly lacking in the person mentioned earlier on regarding practicals. another demand, that of conscience and morals. in this sad present society, i really do hope such people still exist, though they are a dying breed. sadness: the lack of anyone ever singing the national anthem, and even the modification of the anthem on april fool's day yesterday just for laughs; the ignorance displayed by singaporeans on the streets is appalling. from thinking that a simple packet of tissue can be the universal sign of the extension of one's body to occupy a seat or table, to standing at the start of the escalator and then ponder whether to go up the escalator or not, either oblivious to the people waiting to go up or just needing to cause others inconvenience for whatever reasons. the best case recently was at the mrt station yesterday in the evening. one of the two ticket machines was spoiled, so everyone had to wait to use the other one. this bright chap was busy trying to insert money into the machine in the form of notes
for about..... 10minutes. his 50 dollar bills got repeatedly rejected by the machine, what ever side he flipped it to but still he refused to see that fact, continuing to feed the machine with the same note vomited out repeatedly. finally he switched to inserting 10 dollar bills into the machine, one note by one note. one 10 dollar note per transaction, repeated a few times. i am positive he could feel the many pairs of eyes staring at the back of his head. how did i get to use the machine? only because the other spoilt machine was already fixed by the technician and so i could go use it. what makes a country? not the country in geographical sense, but the people. rotten people, u get a rotten country

what do you know, now is already wednesday night. does make one wonder where on earth tuesday went, at least for me. today spent the morning and afternoon at ngee ann poly, pretending to be a poly student as i tried searching for a particular book which wasnt there in the end. ended up using the internet to download loads of pdf documents, because the poly subscribes to all those online journals which allows one to look at the full document FOC.

As i was leaving the library i saw a bunch of students that were being led around by some guide, most probably to introduce them to the facilities if they are interested in applying to study there. kind of makes me think of where i would want to go to study in future. just hoping that my dreams and ability match up. i am fairly certain of what i want to work as next time, but the in between road to reaching that destination still seems foggy. too many paths that lead out, one door closes and many more open up. which to take? take the road less travelled by, and hope that it makes all the difference? i do hope so. my ideal future job is rather uncommon, and i think that this alone will make all the difference. personally, work in something u love with a passion and the job will seem less like one.

but, as with most families, there is bound to be some form of passive resistance from family members, who just wish their son would find an ordinary job that makes alot of money, like doctors, lawyers, businessman etc., settle down by the age of 30 and have a wife and 2 kids. this is the ideal scenario, as totally fulfilled by one of my cousins, specialist doctor in skin diseases, married to another doctor and currently has 3 children.

but what if he isnt happy with his job, not really interested but needed to support the family? that is the fear i have, of finding the job i am in boring, but yet needed to earn a living, is it possible to do what you love and yet be able to earn enough? i really do not mind earning just an average salary, no need for that much, as long as i can do something i enjoy. by 'a job i enjoy', i mean a job where the hours fly by, where working isnt a chore, and i never find myself looking at the time wondering when i can leave the workplace.

ok, back to the in between road towards my future job, that of doing holiday homework during the 'holidays'

Have i mentioned it is the HOLIDAYS? guess not. not so much of HOLIDAYS and more of holidays. it has already started, and today i squandered it all on going out first to some hopeless nursery at khatib. like seriously, nurseries in singapore CMI with the bunch of common plants and other assorted wild grass they bring in, suitable only for bottom feeders in the allegory of a aquarium setup, where plant explorers claim top of the food chain, enthusiasts the middle section and people who just buy blindly without really knowing the plant and take anything that comes their way being the bottom feeders. it is becos of them that this island is stuck with sad pathetic plants, all due to the economics of running a business.

Next, went to the botanic garden, when the same process repeated itself all over again. plants either not having tags or being mislabelled, with the worse of today being some rare south american anthurium being mislabelled as some common one. the pain, the pain. in our botanic garden in this garden city, either common plants are being grown all over the place or rather rare plants lie dying around and no one even bothers to clear up the casualties. look at the cacti section and you will see what i mean. if singapore wants to progress as a garden city and adopt gardening as a past time as reflected in other 1st world countries, then the botanic garden should at least set a better example and find out how to really grow plants, instead of wasting their budget replacing dead plants with new plants which end up being dead.

ok, finished venting frustration, and i shall not even dwell about the episodes of Chinese these 2 weeks, except that i would really really like to express my heart felt gratitude to Mrs Chin Siew Moy, the chinese teacher of 15 lost souls belonging to an obscure class called A2 chinese. the reason behind the gratitude is none other than her total selflessness at staying back 2 nights in a row until about 10pm, just to help us with the dreaded written tasks. tasks they were alright, but she showed total patience in looking through everyone's documents, to the point she had to leave the school at 10pm at night, even though she stayed at pasir ris. even buying some snacks for those that stayed behind to eat as we were hungry, and even offering to pay for our dinner, that is something you dont see with most teachers. (of course we paid for the dinner ourselves and).

what shall the rest of the week be spent doing? rhetorical question actually, since it will consist mostly of trying to slack while having work on my mind, and actually trying to do work, with some work being done at the end. that is the holiday i envisage.

well, it is finally the weekend after yet another week of school. would u believe it......week 8 over already. this year sure is moving by too fast for comfort. Saturday is almost over, within slightly over an hour, and basically today was spent lazing around for abit and then doing some work, and then going out for a dinner to celebrate seb's and ben chia's birthday, even though one birthday was already over and one was yet to come. but what to do, when u are in IB and everyday is just too packed to go out after school and going out on a weekday can be easily labelled as a unwise use of limited time? after taking shots of the dinner and night, they are now taking rather long to load, one pic at a time on an internet site, oh wells.












*photos served up raw.

sunday night, a time to contemplate once again. life seems so long and dreary, taking into consideration that life would be better off without an education system like singapore's. while in the midst of drafting up some points for a chinese essay, pondering over what things will be like at the end of this year. will it be a repeat of primary school? i hope not. i vividly recall the end of primary school, after the collection of the psle results. everyone just dispersed without really much of a bye to one another, focused mostly on results. from that day on, i have never really encountered most of my classmates or schoolmates. sad when i come to think about it. losing touch with every single one of the people i knew in primary school, as if that duration was but a dream. unlike many people in this currently school, who almost know everyone in their class because their classmates had been in their class some time or another in the past. what is it like to end another chapter this time? will it be the same, or will there be something different this time round. a few years ago the graduation (friends forever) song by vitamin C seemed so far away and easy to shrug off and laugh off as not going to happen soon. but how long more can i keep this up, everytime it pops up on my ipod under random shuffle mode? is life divergent, like how it seems to take increasing effort to find something to talk about among friends, only to be convergent again at the end of it all? well, according to the song always look on the bright side, we come from nothing and return back to nothing.

still searching for a bright side.

Valentine's day for yet another year, with nothing much eventful going on, except perhaps for the joke in the morning when david chan came to class to give Jim a packet of tissue that said "seet reserved".

what led for a contemplative day was the announcement by the principal today. sad that such a thing has indeed happened. somehow, when such a thing happens in the public, we can choose to be apathetic about it, but never when it has hit home so near. many who heard about it were sad in one way or another, but what makes me particularly sad, is not only because of that singular event itself, but rather the apathetic attitudes of certain people that i feel disgust in mentioning as belonging to the same year. sleeping during the duration in the auditorium, and then later defending his actions in class that he doesnt give a damn because he doesnt even know the person anyway, truly disgusts. would he only care if he knew the person well enough, leaves much for thought. another act that triggers disgust is that of joking over life and death, in this case the latter. to poke fun at this certainly reflects indifference. sure, most others will not care as well, some will even join in the joking, but that need not mean that it is ok. to mock is to lower oneself.

Stress is indeed here to stay.

the soul passed on, the body lives on, an empty shell

happy new year to one and all, taking note that this is the Chinese one, and not any other. how interesting that there is a new year for each of the separate cultures in singapore, with the unifying 1st of jan one. how short the new year will be. tomorrow and the day after, or rather today and tomorrow, will be a time of feasting on new year snacks and idling around. too fast the time shall past. and before you know it, the weekend end will have come and back to the school mode of finishing work before school begins yet again on monday. hope the angbao harvest this year will be good, taking into account inflation and the economy, dropping 6% in half a day today, according to my brother whose job includes monitoring market trends daily.

What God Has Promised

God hath not promised skies always blue,

Flower strewn pathways all our lives through;

God hath not promised sun without rain,

Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God hath promised strength for the day,

Rest for the labor, light for the way,

Grace for the trials, help from above,

Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

God hath not promised we shall not know

Toil and temptation, trouble and woe;

He hath not told us we shall not bear

Many a burden, many a care.

God hath not promised smooth roads and wide,

Swift, easy travel, needing no guide;

Never a mountain rocky and steep,

Never a river turbid and deep

Annie Johnson Flint

Just a random thought that crossed my mind in the evening

WEDnesday already, been a while since the last post. after all, not much to post about, considering that school life from day to day is about the same, save for a few glitches here and there.

went out with most of the only people who ever read this blog on friday, considering that a break was really needed, to just forget about school and work for one night. life has been a drag, with tests dates and homework datelines to juggle around, even before even starting on them. currently i am in the phase where i get rather pissed off with people who block my way when i am walking through either walking much slower or simply suddenly stopping and blocking the way. the worst would be that particular someone who notices the long line of people queuing behind him/her but yet pretends that he/she is absolutely not causing any inconvenience for others.

been since a week since i last posted. things the past week have been one hell of a ride, if i may say so. moods following the days of the week with wednesday being the lowest point, monday and friday the highest, and sat and sunday declining once more. all depends on how much i spend at home i guess. but now, all is well. perhaps it is the optimism of welcoming back someone really soon, when absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder, or have i become numb to my surroundings, leaving nothing but a stoic existence, or, have i somehow triggered off my rather short memory regarding sadness, unhappiness or the like.

well, monday once more and therefore the beginnings of yet another week, this week being week4 of school. again it all seems to drag on so long, the weeks inch by, but yet they seem to pass fast as well. hopefully the days will pass fast this week, with the hopes of long periods decreasing the agony of having to change mindset to suit the subject too many times in one day.

and no one knows of the quiet hell that brews within home. house is no longer home. it all just seems so weary.

TGIF, the thing i say every friday, seems to have increased in meaning ever since i first heard of it. every week, those words seem to mean so much more than the previous week. this week was certainly long, at least to me. at last it is friday, which promises to bring brief relief from the storm brewing just at the edge of the horizon. chinese oral was...... bad from my point of view, but still ok from the teacher's point of view. imagine having to talk about strawberry clan people for 12min+. yeap, just phased out while preparing the script, wandering in my mind, lost in a darkness.

Thursday once more. seems like so long ago since the first day of school, though it has only been slightly more than a week. and yet within that short space of time, expectations upon expectations have been piled on, deadlines and yet more deadlines. and as the vice principal said, more stress in the first half of the year for those taking A2 languages. =.=. yet again, i came out of the chinese class feeling more stupid than when i went in for lessons.

already, this feels as though i have been living through the year for quite awhile, though it has only been 10days. indeed time behaves strangely.

finally it is friday, seems like so long since school started, since i had a weekend. though just a mere 3 days, it seems just the introduction of the year long endurance race we must all run.

with what i think are quite good teachers, i hope i would be sufficiently interested in the lessons to learn something.

well, with the buffer period of week 1 gone, i just hope i would be ready to take on the realities of the IB program. as for those who have already graduated, some will be heading to hell next wednesday, with good food though, while we still remain in yet another form of hell, though of a mental kind, with ever increasing prices.

the beginning of yet another year. wonder what this year would bring? school of course shall start in about 12hrs time, and the large intake of pupils does lead one to wonder how the sac is going to support the whole school population.

last year in this school, dont know whether to be happy or sad. mix of feelings i guess.