tomorrow marks the 3rd week since it happened. how fast that period of time has gone by, as if it belonged to a different life altogether. maybe i did not blog much about it back then, because emotion would have clouded everything else out.

life and death are but the two sides of the same coin, contrasting but yet complementing one another. for without life, death would be a meaningless void, and without death, we would not appreciate life. maybe i have just been cheating everyone these past weeks, including myself, pretending that it was all ok. perhaps i was a little quieter than i usually was, trying to convince myself to move on, getting caught up with daily life, that which never ceases, laughing along with others though i hardly saw humour.

but at night, when life slows down, my mind can't help but drift towards the memories, and stare at the void which cannot be filled. i have accepted it, but yet i still cling on, wishing that things did not turn out as such. the pain is not acute, and not even numb like a toothache, it is simply just a hollowness. i tried to lead a normal life, by separating school life and life at home, tried to pretend it was all alright.

i teared once throughout the whole thing, perhaps because i was tearing on the inside for years anyway. Sorrow you can hold, however desolating, if nobody speaks to you. If they speak, you break down. ~Bede Jarrett. how true this seems.

'Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.' though the memories are few and far between, they are of inexplicable value.

If tears could build a stairway,
And memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to Heaven
And bring you home again.

nope, i don't mean the last line at all, for going is better than staying in this physical realm.