guess i havent blogged in awhile once again, but here i am doing so once again in the midst of wondering what homework should i make my priority.

nothing much for this week, except some pple freaking out over tremors felt in singapore becos of 4 earthquakes that took place within 24hrs. personally i hardly felt the tremors, except for my chair vibrating. if they were to over react over tremors felt from a distance, how about those pple who were directly impacted in Indonesia?

And just this morning, a airplane from a domestic airline in Thailand crashed while making a landing at Phuket airport in heavy rain, catching fire which even the rain could not put out. so far at least 61 pple are counted as dead. that to me has taken place a little close to home, and hit a little nearer than for my shield of comfort called apathy. Phuket where i have gone to in june, and maybe doing so yet again at the end of the year. Phuket airport where i have touched down and took off. and i was even contemplating taking a domestic flight from phuket to bangkok next time. this singular event, though does not impact me directly, leaves me much to ponder over. though it crashed same as how buses, cars, etc do, a plane crash does seem so much more significant. more pple are killed each year by other modes of transport, but yet it is a plane crash that gets the most attention. why is that so? is it becos planes claim more lives at once, in a single instant, rather than robbing lives abit at a time as other forms of transportation do? is it becos we wish planes were perfect and without flaw so as to stay safe in the air, and when they crash they seem to dash all our hopes of safe travel? the loss of life does make me think of life more.

apathy no longer provides a safe haven from the ravages of real life. accidents do happen, but should we go on pretending life is perfect, or should we learn from the mistakes of the past, though painful it may be. we may not be linked to such accidents directly almost all of the time, but does that allow us to simply read about it in the papers, and forget about it the moment the page is flipped? sure, we cant do much far away from the site of the accident, but couldnt we at least spend a minute or two appreciating a little more each day? it is certain that there will always be more accidents, more plane crashes etc. more chances to appreciate life better, more chances to learn from past mistakes, more chances to show that man is fallible.

yes, my blog seems to have died lately, but thats just cos i havent been able to feel like blogging much. always easier to read what other pple say on their blogs than to write on mine i guess.

having selective STM, i seem to have forgotten almost all that has happened over the duration of absence, and so that is how the past shall be left. instead lets start from monday. not just cos its the start of the working week, but also cos it was my birthday. the day felt exactly the same as any other, just that i went for dinner with most of the pple who bother to read my blog :), with thanks to ben chia for that cheese cake masquerading to be a sponge cake, and i like tiramisu, hint hint.

somehow birthdays just seem so usual. a birthday just happens to be the day we were born, and should not really mean anything to us if we are to look ahead. to put things in perspective, take the next day, sept4, that i went cycling at east coast park. as i was coming back, in a mildly positive mood, i cycled pass an indian guy who was sitting on a bench with his head in his arms. a second later i realised he was actually crying while sitting on the bench. it took a second for realisation mainly cos that is something i would normally not expect to happen, but yet it did. there was this urge to go over and comfort him, but yet i didnt, becos of the word 'strangers'. i mean, if a stranger came up to me while i was sobbing, i would either respond by hitting the person or back off suspiciously.

and today, went to econs class, which was just a revision, spoilt by the noise generated by some pple in the class, who yak on and on and on and on and on...... really spoils the mood for learning, to the point im not going tomorrow and may only contemplate going on friday. after that went orchard, to village to celebrate gideon's belated birthday. the surprise was..... surprising. imagine a bunch of teenagers trying to hide behind bags, chairs, tables, etc..... waiting for rather long with one of the guys working there giving us the bemused expression. then the birthday boy arrives blindfolded. oh well. somehow the big group seperated into 3 factions, church group, class group and ex class group, with chin san happening to be clique confused i guess. gideon reminded me of my cousin's wedding dinner, where the groom had to keep shuffling between tables in order to distribute attention as evenly as possible. went home after that and tats about it.

TGIF
the week seemed rather short due to the massive amount of free periods throughout the week, courtesy of the econs teacher. one act of disgust i witnessed this week was on the mrt train. i know i most likely have told almost all hte people who read my blog about what happened, but nvm. some indian guy was on the train by the door early in hte morning. he went to dig his nose, and retrieved a piece of green gold, which he then proceeded to smear on underside of his slipper, which he then rubbed vigorously on the floor. maybe he thought if he rubbed hard enough he would be able to make it disappear or something. the fact is that if he wanted to do it, he should at least do it when no one is looking, not when someone like me is standing on the other side of the door reading my book but being able to see what he is doing out of the corner of my eye.

yesterday was the charity cafe, which unfortunately always reminds me of the more unpleasant side of humans. it always seems as though when there is a charity cafe, everyone becomes 10 times as friendly, smiling away while trying ot get you to buy their wares. i mean in a way this extra friendliness is appreciated, but if that is just the means just to acheive the ends, which is to get you to buy their stuff, then i am sadly disappointed. why bother with being friendly then? people whom you have not spoken to for an extremely long time, some as much as 3 years, come up to you and ask you to buy stuff from them. suddenly gained back their memory i suppose. another darker side is that when u decline they start emotionally blackmailing you. the only excuses they ever give is that it is for a good cause or that if you do not buy from them, they question you 'what type of friend is this'. sure, all the stalls there are doing a good cause by setting up stalls selling food and earning cash for some charity, but are the people even willing to sell in the first place? are they doing it just because they are strongly encouraged to, or do they really have a heart of gold and are geniunely doing it for the sake of charity, and not just to claim CAS hours. as for the emotionally blackmailing part of asking what type of friend is this, i always asked myself whether i was even their friend in the first place, or merely just an aquaintance. good weather friends for such occassions.

yet another week of school. today is already tuesday, and tomorrow hopefully i wont lapse into mid week crisis, mainly to be brought upon by chinese classes after school. seems like nowadays i have nothing to blog about, i guess cos' there is simply nothing to talk about. i mean like, if your life went in a cycle from day to day, what else is there to talk about? unless u consider emil who broke his water balloon in bio class, which resulted in benlee piping up "emil broke his waterbag".

i used to think my life had a direction and purpose, but recently i seemed to have gotten lost amidst the clutter called daily life. the direction has changed but the purpose remains to be found.

yesterday went to climb bukit timah hill. more like a leisure walk i think. thank goodness the weather held up for the walk, the rain having stopped 2hrs before. having climbed 2 mountains before, mt ophir and klong panom, bk timah seemed somewhat disappointing towards the end, was walking and walking and towards what i thought was the halfway mark, i saw the rock that said 'summit'. oh well.

took a long bus ride home, ate dinner and wanted to watch the ndp parade. but then, i got bored as every year just about the same thing happens. the only part i liked was the fireworks display. looks better when launched from water. and now, friday is a day for slacking at home while pretending to be catching up on work.

almost a week since i am blogging again. guess not much to blog about nowadays, mainly cos i dun have much of an active social life.

yesterday had cross country run where i walked and jogged the length of the course. the lack of tall buildings and surrounding vegetation and open space reminded me of malaysia at the old turf city. then went to watch simpsons. though the movie was rather short, it was well worth the money, at least to me, due to the humour within the movie that can keep pple laughing almost the whole duration. then went to jog at night for the first time in history. jogged one round around my neighbourhood, which meant a big loop around the housing estate including the hdbs, including a hill as well. i have no idea how far that is, but i estimate it to be around 2km. the first 4min of fast jogging were a breeze, but after that i just started feeling the urge to slow down, but din. jogging at night seems to be rather relaxing. total silence with the street lamps as a source of light, and no sun.

today had a retardedly boring one acs combined celebration at queenstown stadium. the telematch alone made me wish i had econs lesson instead. it was that bad. the only entertainment came in the form of the mc, who was so hilarious in his cynic remarks towards the audience as well as the players on the field. one of the later things he said towards the end that i can still remember, is something like: wow, now u got your shiny piece of medal, and u can take it home and show it to your mum and dad, and next time, u can look upon it and remember the fond memories of today as we celebrate one acs. all in a rather sarcastic tone. the mc alone saved me from totally zoning out of reality as i stoned on the bench.

finally, after what seems like a week and 3 days, i have decided to blog again. so much for my enthusiasm to blog everyday when i was started. guess i sort of ran out of things to say along the way.

anyway, just before i was about to write this post, once again my father seemed to take his frustration at whatever it is on me. im no dartboard, so why on earth is he channeling his negative energies to me? i have heard of spread the love, but never of spread the hate. guess the appropiate word to be used here would be my econ's teacher's "this is ridiculous", used with irish accent to dramatic effect.

every thought that life was a lil' too rushed for your own liking? well, enjoy next week then with the national holidays and other crappy stuff that totally wastes time. plus econs teacher not being around the week after that as well, which effectively means 2 weeks of no econs :( there goes the econs schedule.

now that i mood swing more than in the past, and cant stand certain things for much longer, ben chia suggested blog therapy. seems like a good way to destress and stuff, but i wouldnt recommend displaying all the skeletons of your closet over here. the thought of actively pouring out excess emotions and thoughts over here seems rather wrong, but still, better than bottling it up all inside, perhaps as i have done over the years. yesterday i was lamenting about how no one waits for me, then ironically somehow ben seah and seb waited for me after bio class today. divine intervention i suppose? just to 'prove me wrong'? if no man was an island, i must be living way off the mainland, on pitcairn island rofl. just to those who do not know, pitcairn is in the middle of the pacific, where supposedly almost all the male guys there are being charged with an array of offences such as rape, incest etc. and no, i am not charged with rape nor incest.

been awhile since i blogged here. either i have been too busy doing nothing or i simply couldnt bother logging on the blog away my thoughts.

update: today listened to the school librarian teach us how to find books according to their call number and how to cite bibliography. bibliography lecture we could have done with but im sure people know how to find a book in the library according to the author's name. i must say, she has absolute tolerance of noise. everyone was talking, and yet she plowed on through her lecture as if the audience was dead quiet. must be from her majoring in librarianism. increases tolerance level beyond the scopes of that of a human. another thing, women should never wear the baggy pants she was wearing today. neither should they wear a power suit with a guy's cut as she does usually.

ever considered how we just take things as they are? we watch the news and just naturally assume that since it is aired on tv means its important enough to be considered as true. but how is that so? who are we to conclude what is true and what is not? take for example the violence in other countries such as pakistan. the only way we can draw our own conclusions is through first hand accounts, by going there ourselves and experiencing the violence (not really advisable).

did Econs IA today, the only productive thing i did in this day. one more day before the weekends, and one more week before i get to go to the zoo and properly walk around for the first time in like 8+years? the last time i really walked around there was when the zoo was having its major makeover. used to see the gold lion monkeys there, until it was reported that someone stole them.

Apathy

Have we become so numb to almost everything about us? today for tok the teacher showed a video on 'meet your meat' which showed some rather gory scenes of animal treatment by humans before they are sent to the slaughter house. chickens that are so fat their legs cant support them, chickens with their beaks cut off, bulls with their scrotum cut off with shears, pigs with their throats slit while still conscious and left to bleed to death, squealing away etc. well, almost everyone in the class had the opinion that the video had been heavily edited by computer, and the words in the video were misleading etc. one backward limE from the planet asnem even laughed out, finding the whole thing funny. wonder how he would think if the same were to happen to him.

though we are united under one common prefix, are we really united? were we ever united? maybe we have just fallen apart. have u ever thought of anyone u would not want to bunk with in army? excluding me lol. ever seen someone changing this year to the point u almost do not recognize him? and its not just the physical sense? do you believe in coincidence or preplanned destiny? that we were to be born in the same year, meet in the same school, and even in the same class? so many questions that cannot be answered.

felt somewhat emo today as i was standing at the parade ground waiting for assembly to start. thinking through of how long more this will last. the gathering together daily, having classes with classmates, the occassional meet up with friends during recess etc. and what the future workplace would be like. quite sure it wouldnt be the same as school. for one thing, its a war zone out there, at least that is how i envisage it to be. having to be trampled on as a newbie by superiors, having knives thrown from behind, and saddest of all, paying part of the money u tried so hard to earn to something called tax. why do i resent paying future tax? simple. the nice nparks board keeps spending on uber expensive plants they end up killing. then they buy the same thing again to kill it once more. i wouldnt mind if it were their own money, but its the taxpayers' money they are using. to add insult to injury, they label the plants wrongly. its like labelling custard apple as apple, or grapefruit as grape.

ever wondered why we are forced to go for seemingly useless things at times? take me going to some confuscious exhibition today. nestled on the 8th floor of the NTU block beside the MOE building, there was absolutely no instruction on where to go. somehow my class stumbled their way around correctly and ended up at the correct place.

then some china committee met us at the entrance and proceeded to lead us on a tour, guided by an extremely old guy who said he had been teaching for about 56 years already, and written about 130+ books, which is about 2-3 books a year. guess wad, he has been researching on confuscious for 50 years already. talk about being dedicated. but anyway, he spoke in some china accent that was somewhat difficult to decipher, i think i understood about 65% of wad he said. so there we went around the quiet little area looking at many paintins and sculptures chops and fans dedicated to confuscious. it was good for an exhibition of art work, but i frankly have no idea how this links back to the teachings of confuscious, unless amongst his teachings we are supposed to appreciate art or something.

ever thought that you are but a grain of sand along the beach, or just a drop in the ocean? if you have not, welcome to reality. we are nothing but tiny little beings going about our pathetic little lives from day to day. what we do dont actually have much impact on others, save for a few people around us. and when we die, will we even be remembered? or just stand in the brief limelight called the orbituary in the newspapers. how many of us actually set out to make a difference in this world? when i first heard of the nobel prize i wondered how pple qualified for it. turns out the answer was simple. they did something correct in their lives.

so today i went to swim at the bedok swimming complex in like the first time in 5yrs+, to the point i even forgot how to use the same old ticket machine i used when i used to go there. things have certainly changed there, for example, now the showers are no longer communual and each have a cubicle sort of shower, which was much better in preventing yours eyes from accidentally going blind.

and so i went to the pool, and.... realised how lousy at swimming i have become. not that i was some swimming champion in the past, but at least i swam better then than now. the first lap of breaststroke caused me to gasp for breath, with my heart feeling as if it wanted to beat its way out. conclusion: no stamina. after 10 laps with short breaks between i felt ok. in total swam maybe 25-30 laps within 2 hrs, until i realised the pool was becoming so crowded u had to switch lanes constantly so as not to collide into people.

and one lesson i learnt: never swim the breadth of the pool during the peak period. its like a game of frogger where u always lose. 2nd lesson learnt: never tell yr brother, who was a former water polo player in the school in the past, u went swimming.

set/ur/day

today is the day for resting, to sit away from work during the day and relax during the course of the day, and of course, wake up late. but late to me is simply 9am. today went out with a friend to the nearby bedok nurseries to view plants. simply put, it was exceedingly boring since one after the other we went to, sold the same plants. on one hand it reflects the owners' reluctance to take risks, to take a risk by diversifying in other not so common plants. im sure that would attract customers, but then again, mindless singapore customers aint exactly the brightest of the lot in terms of growing plants. so therefore they would not buy the plants and owners make a loss. this leads to a cycle, with owners not importing different plants cos they predict that they will make a loss, leading to the conclusion to stick to the standard range of plants then can cause viewer drowsiness.

but anyway, i dont really give a damn since i have not bought a plant from a nursery for an exceedingly long time, the only reason i go there is to buy the pots. if i could buy straight from the supplier, i would have done so long ago. but anyway, money from pots are the only thing nurseries are going to get out of me :)

there is a lesson that can be learnt from this. yes, this is a moral value question. how often are we willing to take risks that may lead to naught? to take a leap of faith, and plunge straight in without a second thought, that is the question.

now to do my TOK essay, surviving hopefully from the awakeness duration provided by a single cup of 3in1 coffee. recently, i started drinking coffee, not for the effects of caffeine, but rather for the taste. i like the bitter sweet taste and warmth of the coffee, just as i like the bitter sweet taste of dark chocolate.

TGIF

i would like to thank God, the senior admin and teachers for today being friday...... yes, i noe, im being lame. but anyone, after a seemingly long yet short week, the school week for this week is finally over. CAS can just wait till sunday night or something.

today was supposedly going to watch the new potter movie after the english paper review, but in the end when i went to vivocity, almost all the seats were fully booked until 12 midnight. the only seats left were the front rows of each show, which the guy at the counter announced out with a small hint of sarcasm which i appreciated. so in the end went strolling about vivocity. after eating expensive japanese food, went to a gospel at a church in tiong bahru with the only purpose of giving support to ben chia and kerriann in their choir roles. turns out their turn in the limelight lasted like.... 3min?rofl. rather short to justify me being there in the first place, but i suppose everyone needs to have some support.

Whensday

today was a pretty much boring uneventful day. interacted abit throughout the day, and even had recess with one person no one would expect me to have recess with. surprise surprise. somehow the day passed lonesomely, but i surprisingly did not mind much after all. i suppose it prepares one for a future job that comprises of solitude.

just found out today that Baghdad is known as 'the city of peace'. think that almost anyone who reads this will think in his or her head: 'surely not!' given the current situation of war torn Iraq. such irony. but the rest of us just has to live with it.

i realised what a nuisance my neighbour living behind my house is. imagine a very hyperactive ang moh boy of about 9 years of age, pretending he is supreme ruler of the universe and rushing about the back of his house screaming at the top of his lungs like there were no tomorrow. (i gurantee that if he continues doing that) i mean it is expected of a child to behave in that manner, but not every single day of his happy little life? and his outbursts of decibels almost always coincides with my decision to take a rare nap in the evening. result: i wake up some 20min after i thought i would finally have a nice nap. apparently his mother doesnt give a damn about his screaming and yelling around a vicinity where noise echoes between houses. i only applaud the father for telling his son 'oh will you shut up'. besides the family, they have two big dogs called lucy and pico, that live up to their name of big dog by barking so menacingly at random moments throughout the day, no matter what the time is. i guess like owner, like dog.

today is the second most worst day of my life, the first one being something else..... the reason for this day is becos of the release of the exam results. i disappointed a whole load of pple including myself by doing that badly in the exams. maybe partly cos i deserved it. this time there aint enough time to wallow in self pity, but to pick myself up and carry on with a renewed determination till the final year exams are over.

i have woken up my idea.

sadness was my mood throughout the day, mixed with abit of disgust for not working hard enough, and yet more sadness and disgust at the thought that becos of my marks my parents would end up being disappointed. it is not me feeling sad that really bothers me, but the dread of informing my parents of my dismal marks and disappointing them instead. it is just one of those feelings that cant be put into words.

but now i shall strive to get off the bottom and take my studies seriously. life aint a bed of roses, rather a bed of amorphophallus inflorescences. just as a circle has two sides, the inside and the outside, life resembles the infloresecence, most of us might find it disgusting in looks and smell, but yet it takes some effort to appreciate the flower for what it really is. life is like that in the same way, we cant get to choose how life goes sometimes, but we can always make the best out of every situation. a man's world may be in ashes but tomorrow still comes. if someone throws shit at u, catch it and use it as fertilizer.

what i learnt from watching a really random episode of the ellen degeneres show at 5:30 this morning: the rich get richer, the poor get poorer. quite sad to see those turds (all women audience) at the show behave so disgustingly joyous when the host was giving christmas presents to everyone, like cooking sets, kettle tat can boil water within a min etc, but the most useless item i found to be was the dustbin that can automatically open when you put yr foot at the base of it. i mean yes its a novelty item, but dont people even have the spare energy to open the dustbin on their own? the dustbin almost comes close to the washing machine that can be operated through the mobile phone in terms of redundency. i mean like, would you put yr clothes into the washing machine, close the cover, go all the way to the office first, and then take out yr mobile phone to switch the washing machine on?

today spent doing nothing and enjoying sunday, tonight spent doing work and thinking about the week ahead until its friday once more