why is it that flowers which attract moths and butterflies mostly smell sweet? why are these insects attracted by a sweet smell? flies are attracted to stench because the smell promises a breeding ground and food, but how about butterflies? flies associate stench with breeding ground because a rotting piece of meat produces a stench, and to the fly the meat is food and a place to breed. but to a butterfly, why did it associate sweet smell with sweet nectar from flowers? perhaps in the end it is all just olfactory.

why the random post above? simply cos i thought of that question earlier on.

another intriguing observation: why is it alocasia and amorphophallus leaves curl downwards in the direction the catipillar is leaning and eating? firstly, i doubt it is the weight of the catipillar because the curl downwards is too much to have been cause by weight alone. and secondly, the curling downwards seems to occur in less than a day, suggesting that the process of bending over is relatively quick, and also because the catipillar still had not finished its meal, suggesting that the leaf curled fast, because catipillars eat rather fast. is the curling induced by mechanical or chemical means, or a combination of both? is there a logical reason for the stem curling? and is this observation limited to the type of catipillar and the type of plant, in this case 2 genera from the araceae family? this observations do happen from time to time, but why is it that it doesnt happen 100%? out of the many catipillar attacks, only a minor few cause the above phenomenon. what makes these few catipillars so special? who knows....

Feeling lonely once more, and alone this time. contacts on the net whom i hardly speak to or speak to but wait in vain for a reply. the chinese exams are finally over with, though the euphoria associated with it was short lived. welcome back to the real world. welcome back to IB.

these past few days have passed so slowly, but yet so fast..

once again i would like to extend my thanks to those who have offered solace during this period of time. nothing much can be said, except that is over, and that life is indeed never a straight path. as i watched the wooden vessel enter the fire today, i could not help but feel a sense of loneliness and loss, and that it was indeed a final goodbye. i would never be able to look into her face again, but it is alright, because that is how i would like to remember her: to remember her as she was in the past.

nothing much happened today, except for the exceptionally strong wind early in the morning, which surprisingly did not break any leaves. read through some chinese notes today. but the mugging shall officially start from tomorrow onwards. Chui Shao Xiong shall learn more about chinese then he will ever want to in his entire life, mostly about the different social issues and how to appreciate essays. -.- he shall attempt to write an essay a day, if that is possible enough, and will end up carrying a ring file containing all his chinese notes around until the start of the exams.

ok back to the first person narrative, i envision life to get even harder than it is currently, and laugh when the yr5s complain about their life already. i do wish life would skip this stage and just move on 1 year ahead. and i do wish people would be more frank in life, anywhere anyplace, be it in school or the work place. for example: openly admitting "i AM back stabbing you" and so on....

tomorrow will be one of a few days of the year where i will feel sadder than usual, other than teachers day and chinese new year. all the memories always come back, of a spring long gone.

Hilarious that i somehow managed to merge two chinese essay questions together to form one. did not realise until the teacher gave back the paper, saying that i used good examples, and i automatically asked "but?". seems like a natural reflex action of asking what is wrong the moment a teacher starts speaking in a certain manner.

less than 2 weeks to go, admist all the chaos of school.

How much of a friend have i been these past years? that is a question i ask myself, but yet am unable to answer. all these years, just co existing with other people, under the loose heading of friends. always looked back at the past though i wish i didn't. always regretting some of the choices i made. always wondering how different life would be in a different setting, a different time. what if i chose to go to Victoria as a strongly wanted to in p6, since alot of my classmates were headed for there? definitely different friends, during experiences, and most likely, a different me.

have i been truthful to my friends? to a certain extent yes, but yet not absolutely. remaining silent about things does come under that i suppose. so when you do read this, please ask yourself, firstly whether i have been a real friend to you, and secondly, whether you have been a real friend to others.

my powers of ShortTermMemory(STM) are catching up. from schoolwork where i find it hard to remember facts of which i have no interest, to even my passion where sometimes my mind just goes blank when trying to recall something i know well. STM even stretches out to my memories of the past, which remain hazy and sometimes blank. bit and pieces here and there, but nothing more. what i try to recall and picture seem so unreal, as if they have never occurred before. so do the sad moments, gone within a day or two, forgotten within a few days.

was watching da chang jin today while eating dinner, and a particular scene was etched into my mind, at least for that period of time. it was about one character whose last wish before dying was to eat "summer grains", a type of rice once more before she died. those grains were given to her to eat when she was still young by her brother, who died shortly after. perhaps in the past, i would have brushed the scene aside, saying that rice was just rice. but now, perhaps from the general weariness of life or just another year added on, i begin to see the significance of plain, simple, rice and its true meaning, of how those grains could bring out true happiness before walking with death. appreciated the moment when she got to taste those grains once more.

inner conflict like Hedda Gabler, always wishing my life was more memorable through out of the way experiences, but yet still conforming to society. what if i took art in the past and art now? a whole of difference perhaps.

What is it that makes us human when there is so little that separates humans and beasts? was watching a video clip for chinese class today, where the topic of violence and abuse was covered. the saddest part was not even that of wives getting beaten by their husbands, but of how the aged are mistreated by their own children. heart wrenching lines such as "why don't you just die to save us the trouble" pierce the heart. and some of the aged do take it to heart, committing suicide when they deem themselves a burden upon others. is that how we want our society to be? everyone grows old someday, but yet so many shun it like a disease, describing the old as disgusting etc. what goes around comes around in this case.

when life gets put back into perspective, i finally realise the full extent of the sad state we are in, at least for me. imagine having to compete with your own schoolmates for a place in the uni you wish to get into. this is not even on a global playing field with other IB schools. if everyone gets 40+ points, and you get something like 38, you are not competing with the rest of the world to get into a uni, but rather, you are competing with the influx of 200+ students from your school in applying to top universities who have gotten 40+ points. steps up the pressure considerably doesn't it?

random moral of the above passage? : go to a random ulu university, chances of getting in may be better.

frankly, what matters most is not which university you are in, but rather to what extent is your passion? using my favorite obscure area of botany, just a check on google shows that famous botanist don't come from just a few unis, but originate from unis all over the world.

what constitutes bravery? that question came about as i was watching the life buoy advert. it featured one part about a boy carrying a kitten out of the storm when it was still raining, labeling the action as bravery.

have standards of bravery dropped so low? the definition by the freeonlinedictionary is: a quality of spirit that enables you to face danger or pain without showing fear. how many of us can attest to it? i would define bravery as harboring fears all the same, but still doing what needs to be done.

the next 2+ weeks shall be spent in solitary confinement. if i should ever express my desire to step foot anywhere near a shopping mall within the next 18days, please do remind me to stay home and study for the upcoming exams, which will take place in a sad room in the library. lol.....

there is only one way to die, when our system fails to function any longer. but yet there are so many ways to live, so many doors to choose from. just whether we choose wisely or not. after all, there is no respawn in this game.

to view the world with eyes of optimism, only to see it crumble away. what then would eyes of pessimism bring? come what may. though i tend to get depressed at times, i shall not be brought down by it, nor get stuck in a moment.

What moves you? saw a report on the extent of the poverty in the philippines, where some have resorted to taking leftovers from rubbish dumps, recooking them and then consuming them. does one have to take what others have cast away? makes me treasure the chance of being able to have a full stomach even more. such is the need for survival.

ever wondered how it would feel like to .. .... ...? cant really say that i have been in the same position, but yet there are lots of times when i feel lonely in the crowd. 隐居 can take place anywhere, though i would prefer that in a place far far away, where peace is so abundant it does not need to be treasured. The first of the major exams seem so surreal, so far away yet only 3 weeks away. the countdown has started, but the nerves have not yet been woken. thank goodness for labour day today. a time to calm the mind and get on with life. a time to get out of the moment i was stuck in from time to time. a time to open more doors and close some. a time to wonder and ponder more before curiosity dies out in me.

自私，妒忌，残忍，虚伪。Four things that can describe the worst of the human spirit, something that some of us tend to manifest at times. the ice cream today was between ok to good i suppose, but it was an observation that lowered someone, which started the buildup of annoyance once more. two people led to alot of thoughts on the train home, among which was the topic of ignorance. what makes us uniquely human? cruelty.

guess that i should blog after a delay of days. either nothing much has been happening, or that i am not allowed to speak my mind cos of certain restrictions, oh well. how long it seems the passing of days. the countdown begins towards the chinese exams, but yet it all seems so surreal. the D day seems so far away out in space, far away beyond what we expect, but yet it is but 20+ days away. so surreal to the point that it seems like it is but a figment of imagination of 15 students and 2 teachers. while the others may countdown towards the start of the papers, i count down towards the end of the papers, cos i focus on the happy times. yea right, i try a healthy dose of optimism from time to time, though it doesnt seem to cure anything.

April, the cruelest month, is finally drawing to a close, with free cones day this tuesday and labour day on thursday, it will certainly be a welcome break from the past few weeks. seems so long ago since term started, seems just as long ago that math portfolio was completed. to think that more than half the term is over so fast, and yet there still seems to be such a long way to go. why cant i just skip this arduous process and get on with ns and uni. guess there isnt any logical explanation to it all, besides the fact that whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger. IB wont kill me, so therefore it will make me stronger?

a moment to reflect amidst a busy week. a moment to ponder whether we are nothing more than sand grains along the beach. the movie "something the lord made" shown during bio class was indeed a humbling movie, something about how a black guy rose to greatness within the medical field, through sheer determination, faltering at times but always rebounding back. that must have inspired those in my class who want to become doctors. but somehow i just feel that most of them are not suited to be in that field. sure, the glam, the money of being a doctor, but what else does a doctor need in order to be one? a heart of compassion. that is one criteria i would absolutely insist on if i were the one validating applications. but how is the heart measured in the space of a few interviews? that is something that cannot be judged just from interviews alone. oh well. facades everywhere, but yet the core is rotten.

why do i say that most of my classmates are not suited to become doctors? for one simple reason: even if it were the smallest and most pathetic of creatures, they treat it not with a kind heart. instead, for mealworms they boil it till it keels over in pain, for snails they put salt on it. "fun" they call it, but i find it all rather disturbing. if one girl could say out triumphantly "kill it, kill it" in response to another girl's question of what to do with the snail, i would be extremely worried if i were her patient if she was a doctor. for those squirmish of invertebrates, the operating theater wont be spic and span either. with loathe i look at their lofty aspirations.

today went out with 1 of the other 4. somehow the row in the cinema just seemed so empty, the restaurant was packed with people yet devoid of a human presence.

the road has never seemed longer. long and winding, it goes on and on and on and on and on.....etc. but yet, in the end it all flashes by so quickly, but it is the daily slowness of the moments that really get to me, the slowness of time as it passes ever so quickly. the monotone of daily life, the steady onward march, the journey which began in sec 1, but still not yet completed, though the end looms near in comparison.

expectations from all sides, as are expectations from within, strive to outdo one another. funny how i sometimes lapse into bouts of sadness for no clear reason at all. would you call that a mood swing when i doubt i have ever really felt happiness in a really long time? what really eats into me: why does life seem to consist of only school. school no longer revolves around us, we are but the lumps of rock that orbit the planet.

even escapism wouldn't work when the fact hits home: humans are indeed the most dangerous of all the organisms that inhabit the earth.

been more than 2 weeks since i last blogged. must have been due to school i guess, or just the laziness to express feelings faster thought out in the mind than typed out on a keyboard. the effects of my chem teacher leaving the school have started wearing off now, as i move into the phase of being used to another chem teacher's style of teaching.

over the course of these 2 weeks, i have come to realise the true personality of a single person, through observation and interaction. chem pracs and one bio prac are enough to prove this. i shan't mention the name, but go figure anyway. what makes the person unlikeable in my eyes? pettiness that stretches further than the memory can reach, to the point that i get irritated. it is not so much of the pettiness being directed at me, in fact it ain't at all, but how this person treats another person simply disgusts me. if the pettiness over things stretches over one or two weeks it is still ok i guess, but not if it has been going on for more than 6 months? the constant hints that are rather audiable issuing from the person really does hurt the other person. words can be like daggers, stabbing far deeper than a physical wound. what makes a friend a friend? this is a negative example.

but what makes a friend, a friend? is it the daily interactions with a person over a period of time that form friendships? not so nowadays i guess. can end up being friends people i hardly talk to in a day, or else do not talk to altogether for days on end. heck, i am even friends with someone i have known for 3 years over but never had the chance to meet in the flesh yet. what makes a friend? are we friends only due to circumstance? or did we start becoming friends due to circumstance, but still remain friends because we share a common view towards what a friend is? perhaps it was all planned out in the beginning, as to what friends i will have in life, at what times and places i will first encounter them etc, just as how it seems more than coincidental according to Seah that i am fated to miss people.

my view of what a friend is? actually my demands are quite high. if i ever befriend a good weather friend, i wish that i will come to my senses faster. all good weather people can clear out of my life. what do i expect of a friend? not undying love and support, but a certain degree of loyalty to his/her friends, sadly lacking in the person mentioned earlier on regarding practicals. another demand, that of conscience and morals. in this sad present society, i really do hope such people still exist, though they are a dying breed. sadness: the lack of anyone ever singing the national anthem, and even the modification of the anthem on april fool's day yesterday just for laughs; the ignorance displayed by singaporeans on the streets is appalling. from thinking that a simple packet of tissue can be the universal sign of the extension of one's body to occupy a seat or table, to standing at the start of the escalator and then ponder whether to go up the escalator or not, either oblivious to the people waiting to go up or just needing to cause others inconvenience for whatever reasons. the best case recently was at the mrt station yesterday in the evening. one of the two ticket machines was spoiled, so everyone had to wait to use the other one. this bright chap was busy trying to insert money into the machine in the form of notes
for about..... 10minutes. his 50 dollar bills got repeatedly rejected by the machine, what ever side he flipped it to but still he refused to see that fact, continuing to feed the machine with the same note vomited out repeatedly. finally he switched to inserting 10 dollar bills into the machine, one note by one note. one 10 dollar note per transaction, repeated a few times. i am positive he could feel the many pairs of eyes staring at the back of his head. how did i get to use the machine? only because the other spoilt machine was already fixed by the technician and so i could go use it. what makes a country? not the country in geographical sense, but the people. rotten people, u get a rotten country

what do you know, now is already wednesday night. does make one wonder where on earth tuesday went, at least for me. today spent the morning and afternoon at ngee ann poly, pretending to be a poly student as i tried searching for a particular book which wasnt there in the end. ended up using the internet to download loads of pdf documents, because the poly subscribes to all those online journals which allows one to look at the full document FOC.

As i was leaving the library i saw a bunch of students that were being led around by some guide, most probably to introduce them to the facilities if they are interested in applying to study there. kind of makes me think of where i would want to go to study in future. just hoping that my dreams and ability match up. i am fairly certain of what i want to work as next time, but the in between road to reaching that destination still seems foggy. too many paths that lead out, one door closes and many more open up. which to take? take the road less travelled by, and hope that it makes all the difference? i do hope so. my ideal future job is rather uncommon, and i think that this alone will make all the difference. personally, work in something u love with a passion and the job will seem less like one.

but, as with most families, there is bound to be some form of passive resistance from family members, who just wish their son would find an ordinary job that makes alot of money, like doctors, lawyers, businessman etc., settle down by the age of 30 and have a wife and 2 kids. this is the ideal scenario, as totally fulfilled by one of my cousins, specialist doctor in skin diseases, married to another doctor and currently has 3 children.

but what if he isnt happy with his job, not really interested but needed to support the family? that is the fear i have, of finding the job i am in boring, but yet needed to earn a living, is it possible to do what you love and yet be able to earn enough? i really do not mind earning just an average salary, no need for that much, as long as i can do something i enjoy. by 'a job i enjoy', i mean a job where the hours fly by, where working isnt a chore, and i never find myself looking at the time wondering when i can leave the workplace.

ok, back to the in between road towards my future job, that of doing holiday homework during the 'holidays'